another boring day

27 August 2004

i'm so bored...
this is bored...
i'm even bored to even end the day....
as ono Lisa sings a very slow song....
its just so B O R I N G...
Just one of them boring fridays....i guess....]

3.50 p.m.

a stranger in the middle of the nite....( " , )

19 August 2004

Who r u?...i wonder...
as i let u in my darkClosed gates...
u came from nowhere..promising things i know i shouldn't have...
but wanting so badLy.....

Who r u?.....i ponder...
as i let u in me.....
in the deep red sheets....
of my secret garden.....

it was weird...
it was insane....
it was true....
n it was here...

in the deep red sheets......
of my secret garden


aah crap!

10.00 am

be slow to depart.....

18 August 2004

Linger.....

i woke up this morning feeling normal....
feeling sane....
but last nite my heads a rollerCoaster...
tryin my best to holdStill...
while everything around me goes round_N_Round...

i tried my best to stayStill..but i couldn't..
i tried my best to shutUp..but i couldn't...
its like a virus filling my head...slowly blocking my view....my breathing...my sanity

i just feel i had to do something about it....
i had to fix it...mend it...sit it up straight....
n i can't do all that by staying Still...

n so i did ...
n so i went further....knowing what lies ahead would never happend..
but that rush...that sudden rush...unforgettable....unimmaginable.....
i just had to do sumthin about it....
i just had to...
n i did....


10.55am

Broken Smile

16 August 2004

".....look for the girl with the broken smile...
ask her if she wants to stay awhile...n she will...
be loved.....she will be loved...."_Maroon5

gotta love those lirics....

ever wanting to be in a place so badLy ...u can actually smell it?...
u know like..when u're on the way to the seaside...n u can already feel the wind
or on the way to get some yummy iceBlend.....n u're already tasting the cream?....
or when u're at that point u know he's about to say "i love u?"

yep...
i was on that craving mood recentLy....the settings was right...smiles n laughter where in the air..
i gazed in his eyes...as he gazed in mine....(okay..okay...u know me n my imagination rite?..hehe)
i was high on medication over the weekend n wasn't thinkin straight..so that maybe could've elp alot...(hahaahhh)...for the fact that i THOUGHT something more was about to happend...n then boom...(no ..nuthing got xploded...)..
the words just came out....n i could hear somethin shatter...(again me n my imagination....)...
my heart dear..my heart shattered!.....

the words were " i'm not ready for a relationship at this moment"......

don't get me wrong..i wasn't asking him or anything like that...no
not me.......
one good advice i got recently was to not push things n just RELAX...
n that was exactly what i did...(i think...) i relaxed...

in fact we were talking about him n this girl he's interested...(nope not me....)
n that was when those words came out.....

its funny u know....
i'm huge but noOne really sees me...
i'm here but noOne knows....

so...i reckon when i'm gone....
ahh crap!


10.10 am

Tryin to Tell u...u're beautiful

14 August 2004

i had a blast LastNite...
ChineseBro introduced me wit some frends of his....

lets give them names...mmmm

ShyGuy n Faking-It-Guy...(i'm good at naming people huh)

Shy Guy is one of ChineseBro's good frend....n i can see why anyone can be his good frend... he's nice...shy n Shy...(very shy...)...as what ChineseBro told me...

but last nite i was myself ..n so was he....
he turn from a shyGuy to a whoa-did-dat-came-out-of-u're-mouth kinda kewl guy
they all made me laugh the whole time...even Faking-It-Guy was fun..
but i guess he was a bit nervous...cause he kept on making statements....that neither me nor ChineseBro found any relevants....

the funny thing is...
i don't know them that well....but i had loads of stuff to talk about...
maybe things in common shouldn't be the main criteria in knowing people...
i mean like ...u can be like two people from two different worlds...n still be connected..

like this better half of me....i name her...InnocentBeauty...
She's among the kewlest thing that came into my life ...the minute we met...we bounded n nothing tore us apart...

even if our music likings r so far apart...
even if i was in a so-called relationship...
even if i'm pale in makeUp n she's got pinkCheeks all year round....
even if she was tiedUp with work....

nothing tore us apart...

She tells me i'm strong when the reality is...i'm weak till i let her know how weak i am...then i get stronger...
She tells me i'm brave when the reality is...i'm chicken shit till i let her know how scared i am...then i can be boldLy brave

She doesn't have the answers i'm looking for...
She doesn't have a magic stick to throw away all my sorrows...
but she does have magic....
her own innocent beauty magic....

n she taught me that
no similarities does not mean...not meant to be....

so this ones for u ...my innocentBeauty
another "can't-live-withOut" buddy
Cheers!

9.15a.m

shut n Under construction

12th August 20

my blogSpot is still open...
in fact i think i'm gonna keep on writting crap bout everything n anything to my hearts desire
(n when i do have the time of course...heheh)

my HEART is shut n under construction...
(i made it wide Open...it became a freakShow)

everything is up n about
hyped n horny
crazy n deranged....
as long as it doesn't corcern the heart dept.
n that is when the REAL CURRY apears....

n here i have tina turner's song "what's Love got to do with it" whinning in my head.

for the time being...i'm fuckin scared to open it again....
its just such a mess...
n even if i do...
i become someOne else...
somewhat..
pathethic.....
(i chose not to go there again...)
why...

i become too honest...n noOne wants that in this world anymore...
do they?
Ahhhh....Crap

4.55pm